Phonogram - Unity - Max Barnard

The Premise: Phonogram is this perfect concept for stories, this simple idea of music = magic. I was tempted, upon missing this week long ago, to do a story using the characters from the books, but that's not Phonogram, not really. The characters are just examples of how the world they're in, the music they experience, can affect people. So instead we have an idea formed almost half a decade on, that of music as literal protest against those who seek to oppress the very people they
serve. And indeed music as a great unifier.

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­

#.1

A person sits in front of a television, in a somewhat delapidated room, their expression unseen, as the screen shows the bloated pustule that is the face of one David Cameron, with the simple BBC news ticker below his visage read simply " Cameron in for 2nd term". It doesn't matter what the person looks like, anything unassuming would do the job (after all, in many ways they are so many of us), but really I give free reign to you, the artist, to do as you like. I would, however, edge towards the person being in the young adult, 18­25 range, if such a thing can be conveyed, simply for the relevance to those most affected by this recent political outcome.

CAPTION: And so it happens. We lose our rights and have our faces stamped on by those we ourselves have voted for.

#.2

A view of the person's upper body and face, leant forward, with a tight­lipped anger on their face. Think less rage and more... A frustration with the news they have seen.

CAPTION: Well...

CAPTION: *I* didn't vote for them.

#.3

They are up, throwing a beaten­up jacket on, moving with determination and purpose. Hard to convey in a static movement, but the sort of positioning one would have when marching, or even bounding across a room, would probably do well here.

CAPTION: It might technically be fair, democratic, even, but to so many of us it's nothing but a sign of the unfair things to come for us.

CAPTION: The young, the poor, the old, the unwell, we're all in for it.

#.4

And out the door of the flats they live within, a ratty backpack and headphones added to their person, striding down a street in residential London, one of the areas prone to increased gentrification, like Hackney, if you need a strong visual reference.

Our person's eyes are glowing white with the brimming magic filling their ears.

CAPTION: So we do what we can to fight back against it.

CAPTION: Bringing a bit of our own little brand of magic along the way.

#.5

Our person approaches the thronging crowd, now in central London, where our most recent protests garnered the most attention. They are chanting, unified, in one purpose. People of all religions, colours, and creeds. A varied mass of the young, rebelling against a system victimising them.

CAPTION: 'Cause we are the world, and we are the people.

CAPTION: And we will be heard.

#.6

And now our person is in amongst them, one of the many, chanting along, fighting for what they believe in through the power of the song flowing through the crowd, their eyes all lit up with the magic of music, as characters in the world of Phonogram are wont to do when at their most powerful. This is a surge of that, spread amongst many. Protest music.

CHANT(*): WE'LL BE TOGETHER AGAINST THIS! WE'LL BE FOREVER AGAINST THIS!

Why Thought Balloons? - Max Barnard

I was definitely an odd example of a Thought Balloons writer. Inconsistent, self­deprecating, and susceptible to over­stacking pages, I probably came off as the rough diamond of the opening crew of this establishment, all the way up to my death in December, 2011, when I myself dispatched the named Judge Dredd to execute me for my flaws.

Wait, I died? I... I feel cold. Something's wrong. Is... Is anyone there?

*shudder*

Anyway, I'm back for the 5th anniversary of this fine establishment, and what to say? It's amazing to me that TB has continued on this long, and more so that so many people have gotten involved over time. All have given their own little touch to the weekly challenge, and that in itself is a whole thing, for each to have their own voices and own growth in something that could easily be dismissed as fan­fiction for script­writers. But then, much like fan­fiction, it's all a means of growth as a writer through a familiar means, and we can see how that constantly here, especially with our more successful alumni.

I myself miss the discipline of the regular writing, and it's something I'm trying to capture to this day with various podcasting projects (the only place I've really maintained constant creativity over the last half­decade), but man, seeing those who remain doing this stuff endlessly, tirelessly... It's exhausting, isn't it!

So here's to Thought Balloons, to Ryan, Matt, Niel, MK, Grant, Ben, Brandon, Dan, Danial, J.D., Rol, Shaun, Si.... Holy crap, there's so many of ou that it's just impossible to name you all, isn't it. I  mean... It's still a boys club, but what a boys club it's become!

Because I couldn't end the post without the gentlest of jabs, could I?

Judge Dredd - Writing For Creeps - Maxy "Drokk" Barnard

What follows is a comic script version of real-life events, and as such must be taken very seriously, else history repeat itself. This is the tragic elimination of one of the original Thought Ballooners. He will never script again. It's a packed record, but with the right representation, we believe the tale can progress neatly, especially if the inset panels were kept as small as possible.

-----------------------------------------

#.1
Inset within panel 2. DREDD's boot kicking through the front door to MAXY BARNARD's flat, splinters flying every which way.


#.2
DREDD stepping through the door, gun in hand, as MAXY is at his desk, mid-way through panickedly falling from his chair.

DREDD: FREEZE, CREEP!

MAXY: Drokk!


#.3
DREDD picking MAXY up off the floor by the collar with ease.

MAXY: I didn't do anything, man, I swear I haven't written a word in weeks!

DREDD: That's just it...


#.4
Having pulled MAXY closer to his face, DREDD is yelling, spittle flying, point blank. MAXY is flinching away best he can.

DREDD: YOU'RE SLACK!


#.5
Inset into panel 6. DREDD throws MAXY to the floor.

DREDD: DEADLINES!


#.6
MAXY scuttling into the corner away from Dredd, reaching out for something.

MAXY: You don't understand, I had STUFF going on...


#.7
Inset into panel 9. MAXY swinging round with a gun.

MAXY: You just do-


#.8
Inset into panel 9. A bullet passes through MAXY's head.


#.9
JUDGE DREDD, gun smoking, pointed at the reader.

DREDD: No excuses for breaking the rules, kid.

CAPTION: FIN?

Doctor Who - The First Annual WhoCon: 2011

The Premise: A good ol' 21st century beatdown of an annoying fandom, PAD style.

------------------------------------------------

#.1
Crowds passing by miscellaneous shopping booths at a crowded convention. It's really unimportant how much of this is conveyed to the reader, just that there's enough room for the tardis to crop up in the next panel.

Caption: London, 2011.

Caption: The first annual Doctor Who convention.


#.2
Same shot as before, now with the TARDIS VWORP-ing into view (perhaps semi-visible, mid-transportation?). Any on panel shoppers and con-goers are running out of the way in a panic.

SFX: VWORP VWORP VWORP VWORP


#.3
The TARDIS is now solid, and the 'Matt Smith' Doctor is poking his head out the door, along with Rory, River Song and that one ginger girl everyone seems to care about.

Doctor: Oho! And where have we come to this time?

Rory: Dunno. Some sorta... Big party?


#.4
Who fans (whovians?) swarm the TARDIS, waving fan paraphernalia and autograph books at the group, who are now outside the doors and incredibly alarmed.

Random Fan: OH EM GEE! IT'S HIM!

Random Fan 2: MISTER DOCTOR! WHY DO YOU KEEP GETTING YOUNGER!

Random Fan 3: YOU SHOULDN'T BE FRIENDS WITH ALL THE PEOPLE WITH GUNS!

Random Fan 4: Actually, he's always been around gun wielders, and in fact used some hi-

Random Fan 5: SHUT UP! SIGN MY MOOBS, DOCTOR!


#.5
Cross-section view between the hordes outside and the Who cast, trying to push the doors shut against the masses, faces sweating in fear.

Doctor: Oh sod! It's the fans! PUSH THEM BACK! WE MUSTN'T LET THEM INSIDE!

Random Fan: WHY DOES THE INSIDE OF THE TARDIS LOOK WRONG?!


#.6
The TARDIS vworps its way out of the convention, much to the dismay of the hordes of fans.

SFX: VWORP VWORP VWORP

Random Fan: I LOVE YOU COME BACK I WON'T STAB YOU WHILE CRYING I SWEAR!


#.7
The Who cast are sitting around the interior of the TARDIS, looking sad.

Rory: What the bloomin' heck was that?

Doctor: Sorry. In my confusion I took us to the one horror in my life I can never escape. At least not without dying.


#.8
Close-up on the doctor, looking stern.

Doctor: My fanbase.

Static Shock - Magnets, How Do They Work? - Maxy Barnard

Premise: The return of a fun concept from Morrison's JLA run, transferred from Blue Superman to Static, presented through the filter of Milestone's thinly veiled references to their universe and creator's place in the universe and treatment thereof. So pretentious, derivative, but at least I've managed to post it eventually.

This page/scene occurs just after Mister Terrific has told Static of his gargantuan task.

-----------------------------------------------

#.1
STATIC is standing out on a grey expanse (it's the moon!) with MISTER TERRIFIC, whose T-balls (is that what they're called? Filth!) ar flitting back and forth between two gigantic, off-panel tesla coils.

STATIC: You want me to do WHAT?

TERRIFIC: If anyone can, it's you.


#.2
Close on STATIC, looking down at his feet, teeth gritted, yet his eyes are more sad than angry.

STATIC: Don't tell me that! No-one can stand this pressure, man.


#.3
STATIC is now looking up and yelling.

STATIC: It's too much!


#.4
MISTER TERRIFIC has put his hand on STATIC's shoulder, supporting him and looking him directly in the eyes.

TERRIFIC: Look, Virgil, I know what it's like. To have so much difficult stuff going on, and only adding more. It makes it harder to do the small things.

TERRIFIC: But believe me when I tell you; something like this? Something bigger than anything else?


#.5
Close on MISTER TERRIFIC as he looks directly at the reader (STATIC's POV).

TERRIFIC: Something this big... When it's beyond anything you've done before, it can break you in the right way. And be as easy as breathing.


#.6
Long-distance shot of STATIC and MISTER TERRIFIC standing on the moon, between the two huge tesla coils, both looking up into space.

TERRIFIC: Pep talk over. You ready to stop the universe collapsing in on itself already?

STATIC: Well, when you soliloquise like that, how can a guy say no?

DCnU Pitch - HARDWARE - Maxy Barnard

HARDWARE monthly series, September 2011

Hardware created by Dwayne McDuffie and Denys Cowan, 1993

Talent:
Maxy Barnard, writer
Gianluca Guggliotta, artist

The high concept: Corporate espionage/sabotage on a new scale for a new DCU. Supported by a mysterious benefactor, Curt Metcalf is a prodigal inventor turned loose from his former, morally bankrupt employer, Edwin Alva Sr.. Unemployed, angry, capable, willing and funded, Metcalf is ready take on the seemingly endless web of corruption in front of him, as the technical monstrosity known only as HARDWARE!

The Cast:

CURTIS "Curt" METCALF: Hardware. A calm, hard-working prodigy with a seething alter ego bubbling underneath, fresh from forcefully leaving his employment at Alva Technologies with...
EDWIN ALVA Sr.: Sinister and calculating head of Alva Technologies, using the inventions of his employees for war profiteering and black market deals, all in the name of funding his attempts to literally immortalise himself.
REPRISE: Hitman with the power to gain "extra lives" from murdering others, hired by Alva to kill Curtis and protect Alva Technologies' secrets.
Lt. MARISA RAHM: Pre-op transsexual policewoman, independantly investigating Hardware due to his interaction with and possible connection to...
LEX LUTHOR: One of the possible benefactors of Curtis, and a person interested in procuring the company secrets stored away in Curtis' head, doing so by hiring...
MINDFLOW: The cerebral assassin (but not that one). A murderous close-range telepath, who kills by stripping every thought and brain function from his opponent into his own mind, or availability willing, one of the brains he keeps in a selection of jars.
BRUCE WAYNE: Another possible benefactor, the only disincentive being that he appears to have no motivation for funding Hardware. Could he have some secret angle to the situation?
TED KORD: Rumoured to have died as the vigilante 'The Blue Beetle' some time back, but in Curtis tracing his funds back to the source, his name continuously crops up.
THE SHADOW TRAVELERS: Anomalous humanoid shapes sent by Alva to steal information and items from rival companies. Their true nature is unknown, but they seem to have capabilities similar to that of an invention of Curtis' back from when he worked for Alva Technologies
BARRAKI YOUNG: Curtis' girlfriend, going through a whirlwind of conflicting emotions as she tries to deal with his increasing anger, his unemployment, followed by his sudden disappearances and mysterious earnings.

Overview:
Curtis Metcalf discovers that his inventions for Alva Technologies are being misused by their sociopathic CEO, Edwin Alva Sr. Curtis leaves the company, voiding his contract and blacklisting him from ever working in the technology field again. Scorned and enraged by the corrupt use of his inventions, Curtis accepts a mysterious opportunity to receive funding to be used EXCLUSIVELY for taking on Alva Sr.'s corrupt web of corporations and subsidaries as the technological marvel HARDWARE.

A B-story running alongside this is that of Lt. Marisa Rahm, who, whilst officially hunting a killer who appears to be in the employ of Lex Luthor, is also independantly investigating Hardware, who may have some connection to Luthor himself.

Outline:
This is an entirely fresh Hardware, reinvented, retooled and slightly retold for this initial outing, to make him more a part of the DCU, in the way only a tool of corporate sabotage can be, connecting him to the businesses that are noteable back-matter of the DC Universe. LexCorp, Wayne Industries, the apparently defunct Kord Enterprises, maybe even S.T.A.R. Labs. And that's just the ones that AREN'T connected to the evil Alva Technologies.

This opening story is a fairly straightforward re-establishing of Hardware, split into three parts, taking up roughly 8 to 12 issues:

The story starts with Curtis Metcalf shifting from his enjoyable and productive work at Alva Technologies to discovering that his employer, Edwin Alva Sr., is the morally bankrupt head of a network of corrupt businesses, all selling their wares and inventions on the black market, and even directly to Kahndaq, a nation on the precipice of all-out war with America. Confronting his boss and almost caving to violence, Curtis leaves the company, voiding his contract and blacklisting him from any future work in technology development for the rest of his working life.

This leads to Curtis becoming sedentary and hateful, straining his relationship with his co-habiting girlfriend, Barraki, to near-breaking point. One night, when everything seems to be at rock bottom, Curtis is visited by a mysterious suited man, who offers him funding on the condition that it is used exclusively to take down Alva's network of companies, and nothing else. Fueled by a lust for revenge, Curtis accepts, developing a weapon like no other; a cybernetic suit equipped with new versions of inventions made over his career (such as the neural net) that he names HARDWARE, and immediately tests it by taking out the very bottom rung of Alva's corporations, beginning our story proper.

Time passes, and Hardware's increasingly drastic acts of terrorism and industrial sabotage finally prompt Alva sr. to employ Reprise, a seemingly immortal assassin to take him down. This leads to their first encounter, as Reprise comes to blows with Hardware in a warehouse of black market nanobombs, sacrificing a significant amount of his accumulated 'lives' to unleash one of the bombs at Hardware, dismantling his armour and revealing his true identity. So begins a race between Curtis and his assailant, where he has to rebuild his armour before Reprise can track him or his loved ones down. After getting another mysterious injection of cash at the last minute and a peculiarly stern message of encouragement, Hardware is rebuilt, in a much more sleek and manageable suit (a timely update of the classic design), and goes out to stop Reprise, who was mere seconds away from entering his home and slaughtering Barraki! Another fight follows, ending in Reprise realising he's down to his last life and escaping. A decision that doesn't end too well for him when Mindflow, an assassin in the employ of Lex Luthor, strips his last life away, along with his memories of who Hardware is.

Alongside this arc our B story begins, that of Marisa Rahm, a transgendered liutenant in the Dakota police force, investigating a series of mysterious murders, linked only by the name 'Mindflow', written in blood at one of the crime scenes. When her leads over two months (the same length of time Hardware has been operating, coincidentally enough) only get her as far as finding out that Mindflow is an assassin on some bigwig's payroll, Marisa is pulled from the case by a distinctly hateful and transphobic higher-up. Undeterred, she tries to continue the case under her own steam, ending with her having the misfortune of seeing both Hardware and Reprise's climactic showdown, and the subsequent assassination of Reprise by Mindflow. Tailing Mindflow in the aftermath, Marisa learns that his employer is none other than Lex Luthor, CEO of LexCorp.

Hardware becomes suspicious of his benefactor in the wake of the sudden extra funding and peculiar message left for him in the Reprise story, and for him to use some of the extra money to investigate just who it is that's employing him, and what their motivations are, leading him to suspect Wayne Industries (a lead he dismisses quickly upon meeting the billionaire playboy in charge of the company, who Curtis deems a 'foolish child wasting his father's company in the name of a wild life'), as well as the defunct Kord Enterprises, a company long-dead in the wake of the apparent death of Ted Kord. This is expanded to include LexCorp after Marisa Rahm tries to confront and arrest Hardware, suspecting him of being an accomplice of Mindflow, and subsequently Lex Luthor, a potential employer Curtis hadn't considered.

This in turn would lead to Marisa and Hardware to work together to confront Luthor, only for him to reveal his altogether different motivation of stripping Alva Technologies' secrets from Curtis' brain (Reprise having been killed as another person who may have known something damning towards that company). Before a proper confrontation can happen, Alva Sr.'s monstrous creations The Shadow Travelers break into the tech department of LexCorp, bringing the mega-arc to a head with Hardware and Mindflow attempting to fight them off, whilst Hardware simultaneously tries to stop Mindflow from killing him. Mindflow's dual purpose fails him when the last remaining Shadow Traveler enlarges into a monstrous black shape and slaughters him. Hardware makes a hasty retreat, finding a knocked-out Marisa, taken down by an absent Lex Luthor, and rescues her. The Dakota branch is destroyed by the giant Shadow Traveler, who appears to be obliterated himself in an explosion, and Hardware vows to continue his quest.

The story ends on a sadder note, however, as Curtis returns home to find that Barakki has left him, his angrier ways and constant absence having forced her to give up on him. With this sad note, however, Curtis finds that Marisa Rahm wants to join his crusade against corruption, and will help him solve the mystery of Kord Enterprises.

And that's the mega-arc opening story, as it were. From there there's the possibilities of more encounters with Alva's network or Lex Luthor, as well as approaching the Kord Enterprises issue and whether Ted Kord is alive and funding Hardware. Alongside that there's the bud of Kahndaq, and another possible mega-story of their war with America kicking off, leading to a team-up with multiple heroes, and a one-on-one confrontation with Black Adam.



[Goodness, that was long, wasn't it? I do apologise, seems the whole pitch process brings a talking monster out of me. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it, I'm genuinely passionate about both Hardware and Marisa Rahm, so it's an absolute treat to have got the chance to sit down and think of what I would actually do given the chance to reboot them and bring an element of the dakotaverse into the DCU proper. And hey, I learnt some lessons about writing pitches, which is always nice. And who knows, maybe one day I'll get to do this... in my dreams]

Batwoman - My Heart Is The Worst Kind Of Weapon - Maxy Barnard

After smashing my head into a wall for weeks on end, I return. And with a very particular idea for a script about our delightful Kate Kane. You may recall, if you put your mind back to the mega event 52 (how appropriate considering the 'new 52' Batwoman is finding herself in now), she survived a pretty damaging knife wound to the chest.

And so a very comic-booky plot comes to mind. Because isn't it strange how she survived such a fatal wound, even considering it's a comic book or whatever? Well, RETCON! Nanites on the blade assisted in her healing, items placed into her system by a mysterious background figure, intent on delaying her sacrifice to turn her into deadly weapon!

We join the story as her implanted heart-weapon has kicked in, sucking a stream of blood from the chest of the planned target (a gang boss she was monitoring) and into her own.

----------------------------------------

#.1
Sitting on the roof now, Batwoman is patting her steaming chest, where the remnant of the blood that entered her chest has left a typical cartoon-style heart pattern dyed into her skin.

CAPTION: What in the world--?


#.2
Street level view now angled up towards the rooftop, as various gangsters both go to check on their fallen boss and look and point up to where they saw the mysterious eruption of blood go.

GANGSTER: IT CAME FROM UP THERE!

ALSO A GANGSTER: THEN GET UP THERE AND GET WHOEVER DID THIS ALREADY!


#.3
Batwoman is steadying herself and clutching her side, wincing in pain.

BATWOMAN: Damn. Have to get ahold of Dad, mission's compromised... And then some.


#.4
Batwoman with two fingers to the ear of her mask, activating her communications device.

BATWOMAN: Come i-


#.5
Overlapping panel of Batwoman, mouth wide open in pain as a loud shrieking sound comes over her comms.

SFX (comms): SKREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE--

BATWOMAN: AARGH!


#.6
The sound peters out, as Batwoman covers her ears in pain, teeth gritted.

VOICE (comms): EEEEE--skrsh--atwoman?--eee-- I--his-you?

BATWOMAN: Who is this?


#.7
Panel coming out of the Batwoman's ear-piece from the previous panel, of a silhouetted face leaning into a microphone.

VOICE: Doesn't matter. Just know that you have to do what I tell you...


#.8
Close-up on Batwoman grimacing.

VOICE (comms): Or you'll die quite horribly.

Captain Marvel - Put Away The Childish Things - Maxy Barnard

Just a basic transformation script, framed against Corinthians 13:11. Enjoy.

-----------------------------------------

1.1
Young Billy Batson is sitting at a train station, playing cards with Talky Tawny (in his 'hobo' form) and laughing, red-faced and wide mouthed, clutching his sides.

Caption: When I was a child, I spake as a child.


1.2
A low shot, so we can see Billy and Tawny turning their heads sharply to look up at the sky, where Alligators with jetpacks are flying towards an aeroplane. Whilst Tawny looks suitably shocked by this, Billy is grinning.

Caption: I understood as a child, I thought as a child.


1.3
A lightning-bolt shaped panel wherein Billy transforms into Captain Marvel. At the forefront we have Billy shouting, and behind him we have Captain Marvel himself, looking stern and ready to fight. Behind HIM is the word SHAZAM!, to signify the transformation.

Caption: But when I became a man,


1.4
Captain Marvel rocketing upwards through the sky, teeth gritted, as the jetpacking alligators look back at him in surprise.

Caption: I put the childish things away.

Thunderbolts - FUNderbolts - Maxy Barnard

Remember when Warren Ellis' Thunderbolts presented a marketable team? With elements like Who Wants To Be A Thunderbolt (or whatever it was called), action figures and presenting themselves with a toyetic quality? Well here's a minor revival of that concept, with a kids show version of the current team. Or rather a hand-picked selection of the most toyetic and visually safe Thunderbolts, so creepier ones like Mr. Hyde and Crossbones are off limits. (when I wrote that last bit I realised that most of the Thunderbolts are really toyetic and pleasing to look. I wonder if that was deliberate)

On the creative side, I adopted a system of creating a beat every 4 panels, creating the same sort of pacing joke to joke and scene to scene as a kids show tends to lean towards, which owes itself heavily to both Thom Zahler and to many, MANY 4-koma gag manga. I feel it works effectively, and frames the jokes well, regardless of quality or set-up. So keep in mind, if panel continuity seems to jump a bit every 4 panels, it's because it IS jumping ahead scene to scene.

---------------------------------------

Page 1 - 8 Panels*

*Page note: to emphasise this as a tv show, I want to take the concept presented in other works like Love & Capes of having all of the panels the same size, to take on the appearance of the story being on a television screen.

1.1
Title card for this episode of Funderbolts. Top left we have the Thunderbolts logo, retooled to be multi-coloured and to instead read as Funderbolts. Other than that touch run wild, whilst trying to keep within the guidelines of a kids show title. Good reference cards can be found in stuff like Spongebob Squarepants or various classic Looney Tunes episodes. You know, playing up the text with a relevant frame and such.

TEXT: FUNDERBOLTS IN... A 'Shocker'ing Surprise!


1.2
Establishing shot of The Raft, done up all shiny and with a large Thunderbolts logo on the front. At the water around the base are smiling Jellyfish, swimming to and fro along the surface. The speech bubble connects to an upper window above the giant logo.

Speech Bubble(Shocker): I have to go where?!


1.3
[Scene note: We're in a break room for the Funderbolts, split into two general areas. A TV area, with a HUGE couch (made comically huge to fit the whole team, including the colossal Juggernaut) and a giant widescreen TV with an unidentifiable games console at the base of it (in true animated cartoon tradition, this must be completely different to any existing console, purely for that wonderful feeling of dodging royalties or whatever the motivation was), and a kitchen area, with basic amenities like a coffee machine, counter, fridge and microwave. The exit to the room is between these two areas.]
Two Shot¦Kitchen Area: A 'chibi' Shocker is flailing his arms comically up and down, frustrated at chibi Ghost, who is drinking coffee through a gas-mask-like/straw-like extension on his mask.

Ghost: ... The Haunted Mine.

Shocker: WHY WOULD YOU SEND ME THERE?! It's haunted! The name even says so!


1.4
Two Shot¦Kitchen Area: Ghost remains unchanged. Shocker is slumped forward, a huge sweat drop on his head and a black cloud just above him.

Ghost: ... You can take Swampy.

SFX(coffee): *sllllurp*

Shocker: But he's spooky too...

SFX(cloud): *doom*


1.5
Three Shot¦Kitchen Area+Exit: Shocker is being pushed towards the door by chibi Boomerang (you don't get more toyetic than his current design!), who is grinning widely as Shocker tries to put up a resistance. Ghost is at the edge of the shot, continuing to drink his coffee.

Boomerang: C'mon Shocker, it'll be fun! You never know what you'll find!

Shocker: THAT'S THE PROBLEM!!

SFX(coffee): *ssssip*


1.6
Three Shot¦Kitchen Area+Exit: Shocker is having the door closed on him by Boomerang, who is still sporting his huge grin. Ghost is putting his coffee down on the side, and phasing one arm through the counter.

Shocker: Don't make me go-o-ooooo!

Boomerang: Nonsense! Seeya later when you've searched the WHOLE MINE!


1.7
Three Shot¦Kitchen Area+Exit: The door is now closed, with Boomerang leaning against it and breathing a sigh of relief(and yet still grinning. Terrifying AND hard to pull off, I know). Ghost has now dived through the counter, with his legs floating up in the air.

Boomerang: Phew, he's gone.


1.8
Three Shot¦Kitchen Area+Exit: Boomerang is grinning and giving a HUGE thumbs up at Ghost, who has pulled balloons, a cake and some boxed-up presents (ribbons and everything!) up through the counter.

Boomerang: Now we can get his SURPRISE PARTY ready!

SFX(birthday stuff): *TA-DAA*

Invincible - So Give Them Blood, Blood, Gallons Of The Stuff - Maxy Barnard

One of my favourite pages of all time is the last one from Generation X #4, where Jubilee is interrupted from her next issue preview by encroaching ice, covering the details of what's to come. So this is, in its own special way, a loving tribute to that sort of page.

And more so a send-up of Invincible's love of the old krovvy (Clockwork Orange reference +1). So, let the claret fly!

-------------------------------

Page # - 16(*) panels

*Page layout note: The only panels that are truly visible here are panels 1-8 and panel 16. The rest are entirely drowned underneath the leaking flood of blood that is pouring out from panels 5-8. But for their lack of description, their occupied space still theoretically exists, taking up that bottom half of the page.

#.1
Close-up on Invincible's face as he, bloody-nosed and with broken goggles, roars towards his opponent.

Invincible: NEVER...


#.2
Super-zoomed out panel here, with Invincible slamming his fist (literally piercing) into the gut of his opponent, now revealed to be a big, fat, godzilla-esque rhino beetle.

Invincible: ..AGAIN!!

SFX: SPLATTAJAM


#.3
Zoomed back in to a reasonable size (perhaps, height-wise, from the top of Invincible's head to his knees) and posing victoriously, Invincible has pulled his bloody, gut-covered fist out of the monster. the hole he has left in the beetle's belly is now lightly spraying blood, hitting Invincible's costume.

Invincible: Yes... It's over.

SFX(blood): spppppp--


#.4
The spray from the beetle's belly is getting thick and fast, spraying harder against Invincible (Why haven't I just been calling him Mark? I digress), who is suitably disgusted by this turn of events.

Invincible: What? NO! EW!

SFX(blood): --pppuuuuuuuur--


#.5
The spray is at maximum now, almost pushing Invincible over as he leans into it, arms in front of his face. The blood is also trickling out of the panel, towards the previously described pit of blood.

Invincible: *GARGLEFRARGLESPLOGLLE*

SFX(blood): --RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT!!


#.6
Just as thick a spray now, Invincible is flying full strength against the flow now, with only his body parts at the edge of the panel not dyed red. There is more blood pouring out of this panel than the previous.

Invincible: *NRRRT*

SFX(blood): STILLSPURTIN'!


#.7
Invincible's arm, pressed against the panel looking for purchase, and his grimaced face are the only things visible against the torrent of red. And again, the blood pouring out of the panel is heavier than previous.

SFX(blood): SOMUCHSPURTIN'!


#.8
All red, save Invincible's fingers, hooked round the edge of the panel. The blood flow is heaviest here, pouring straight down into the pool of blood that is panels 9-15.


#.16
Where the 16th panel should be, there are just Invincible's gloved hands, pressed against the page as if trying to push their way out into reality.

Caption: End?

J. Jonah Jameson - JJJ 1 Million - Maxy Barnard

What will J. Jonah Jameson be like 1 million years into the future? In the Marvel timeline I mean. I know full well that fans wouldn't ever allow him to change properly no matter how far into out future we look, that being the curse of big two comics characters. But I digress. Have fun with this backdated script.

Alt. Script: we look 1 million years into the future and see that, yes, he's decomposed and probably fossilised. Less interesting, but you'd have to admire the realism or whatever.

----------------------------------

#.1
A levitating, cyber-punk, spikey and dark, oily Daily Bugle is floating in a futuristic land of airbound buildings and flying taxis. The Daily Bugle sign on the front of the building is bright neon, as any sign in the future should be (natch).

JJJ(inside building): ROBO-BRANT! ROBO-BRAAAAAAAAAAANT!


#.2
Inside JJJ's(as he shall be referred to in this future timeline, because initials are futuristic as all balls) office, we have a darkened chair in a black-lit room, with a floating table in front of it. The true nature of JJJ's appearance is to be completely unnoticeable in this panel, to save for the reveal at the end of the page (which I'll hold out on you till then as well, for simplicity's sake). Entering the room (perhaps just in front of us, presenting an over-the-shoulder view) is Robo-Brant, an angular femdroid, a cross between a ventriloquist's dummy and an 80s businesswoman viewed through the filter of chrome robotics.

Robo-Brant(spiky balloons and robotic text): YES.MR.J.J.J.?

JJJ(chair): COFFEE! ROBO-BRANT! COFFEE!


#.3
Robo-Brant dutifully bows her head and moves out of the room. JJJ's desk starts to glow, illuminating the silhouette of the man's current appearance, best described for this panel as Robofish from the Timesplitters series of video games, with finer details to come with the final panel.

Robo-Brant: COMING.RIGHT.UP.SIR.ANYTHING.ELSE.WHILE.I.AM.AT.IT.?

JJJ: YES!


#.4
The full reveal. Illuminated by his desk we see JJJ as he truly is. An orb, containing his brain, wires and various fluid, on a frail robotic body. The orb has JJJ's classic flat brush haircut, and the thin chaplinesque moustache stuck dead centre on the middle of it. The liquids are bubbling and glowing green as he declares his ultimate desire.

JJJ: ROBO-BRANT! GET ME A CAMERA! AND A MAN! TO GET PICTURES! PICTURES OF SPIDER-PEOPLE! AND MORE COFFEE!

Green Lantern - Imagination's Such An Aggravation - Maxy Barnard

The Premise: Another back-dated post of mine, because c'mon, I had to catch up one day.

Simple enough concept, Hal Jordan has no imagination. Because he is a boring fool with no personality to speak of. Nothing fancy, just a simple light-hearted joke to warm myself back up.

-------------------------------------

#.1
Hal Jordan is facing a titanic rock monster, looming over him as he stares up at it from the ground.

Hal: Okay...


#.2
Close-up on Hal as he rubs his chin, thinking intensely. A small amount of green energy is leaking out of his ring.

Hal: What can I come up with to fight a giant rock?


#.3
Hal flies up to the rock monster's face, projecting a pneumatic drill in front of him.

Hal: I know! A drill! They hit rocks!


#.4
Pneumatic Drill projection bounces off the rock monster as it continues to just stand there, unfazed.

Hal: Aw, nuts!


#.5
Hal is back to rubbing his chin, albeit curled up in a sort of foetal pose and sweating a lot.

Hal: Now what? A boxing glove? No, you can't box rocks... Water? No, I can't make that! STUPID! STUPID! ST--


#.6
The rock monster crushes Hal into the ground, killing him bloodily.

SFX: Splat.

X-Men First Class - Your Revolution Is A Joke - Maxy Barnard

Michael Fassbender is some sort of God on earth.

... What? Oh, yeah, the (back-dated and highly pretentious) script. The concept here is simple: it's set to a song (Funeral For A Friend's Your Revolution Is A Joke), one that I feel can represent a sort of nagging voice in the back of Magneto's head as he prepares to fight for his cause, a voice hinting that his methods, ultimately, will not work how he intends. A kind of portent for his future villainy.

Oh, and despite me just saying it's set to that song, it's not actually heavily involved in the strip itself, because this isn't Phonogram: The Singles Club issue 7, and as such probably can't pull such a thing off. Just that the idea is enhanced and inspired by said song.(oh and if you can't tell the song's a bit emo, the scene used here features RAIN! DUN DUN DUN!) ONWARDS!

(side-note: As for which sort of Magneto I went for here, I'd hazard that it's closer to the Magneto of the comics, a thoughtful and dramatic person who can spout out long claremontian speeches mid-fight. Because that works for the purposes of the tone I'm coming across with here)

--------------------------------------

#.1
Magneto(Fassbender era, age-wise) is standing in a slightly dishevelled building (in Genosha, perhaps?), looking out into a storm through his window, rain beating against it. He is fully helmeted and sporting a glum expression.

Caption(Magneto): What is it I stand for?


#.2
Close-up on Magneto's face as lightning flashes in front of him.

Caption(Magneto): I have to show humans that Mutants are superior, to protect us, to raise us to our rightful place.


#.3
Magneto leans against the window lightly, as Mystique walks towards him from the other side of the room.

Caption(Magneto): To do so will make me a villain in the eyes of others, however. If less mutants understand my cause then support it, then I am fighting for nothing.


#.4
Magneto waves Mystique away, as she reluctantly lifts an arm up to support him.

Caption(Magneto): So I will be a villain. To play the part to lead them to greater things. My revolution will be one led by others as they face me, and come to become like me.


#.5
Magneto straightens himself up as Mystique leaves the room.

Caption(Magneto): My purpose will not be denied, but in the event things do not go to plan, that will ensure that no matter what, it will all be okay.


#.6
Magneto turns, cape-billowing, as he too goes to leave the room.

Caption(narration): It will never be okay.

Zatanna - 'Nuff Said? - Maxy Barnard

The Premise: Oh come on, now. You know the idea here, right?

----------------------------------

(note: instead of dialogue in the speech balloons, I will instead describe the objects to put in there in place of actual speech, contained within []. e.g [UPSIDE DOWN TOILET]. Figure it'd be the best approach to doing her magic without saying anything, and it should add a nice touch to it all.)

#.1
Zatanna is chasing an imp down a new york alleyway towards a dead end.


#.2
The imp's back is pressed against the wall of the dead end, panicked. Zatanna is striding over, one hand on her hip.


#.3
Close on Zatanna as she points to the ground, mouth all agape and surly as if saying something really unpleasant to the imp.

Zatanna: [MIRRORED EXIT SIGN] [DOWNWARD ARROW] [FIREY PIT]


#.4
The imp flails in pain and grows in size as it's pulled by an unknown force through a dark portal on the ground.


#.5
The imp has grown into a large fire demon, a fair foot or two taller than Zatanna and is pulling itself out of the hole, lunging towards Zatanna, who is jumping as if surprised.


#.6
Close on Zatanna as the imp/fire demon's shadow falls over her, backlit by his bright orange flames. One of her hands is up on her mouth in shock.

Zatanna: [A PILE OF POO]

Blocked - Roots - Max Barnard

The Premise: Ever spent days, weeks, even MONTHS trying to come up with an original idea, only to come up against writer's block? That dreaded thing that stops you coming up with a story or concept that you so desperately need?

Arséne Langlinais knows what it's like. He's known it for years now. A former best-selling horror writer, Arséne hit his block after announcing he would write the quintessential horror story of the 21st century. Since then he's fallen apart, unable to even move his pen or type a word whenever he as much as thinks about writing. He's tried everything he can think of, from therapy to a relaxing holiday, but nothing's coming out. His career is on the verge on being in tatters and he only has one course of action left to take: going home to Thibodaux, Louisiana.

See, Arséne hates his roots but at the same time, in his desperation, he thinks connecting with them again, in an area with plenty of supernatural sightings under its belt will help him overcome his writer's block.

As we join the story in progress Arséne has settled into his new living space and is finally trying to write again.

--------------------------------------

#.1
Time has passed. It is a week later and Arséne has cleaned himself up some. Where there was once an unkempt beard and shaggy shoulder-length hair is now a clean-cut face with a neatly cropped haircut. He is sat at a typewriter in his Motel room, cigarette in mouth and fingers hovering at the keys.

Caption: A week passes...

Arséne(caption): I'm sat at old faithful again, ready to see what's changed.


#.2
Close-up on Arséne's fingers shaking above the typewriter keys.


#.3
Extreme close-up around Arséne's eyes, small beads of sweat forming.


#.4
Close-up on Arséne's mouth as he grits his teeth, biting through the cigarette.

Arséne(caption): Nothing.


#.5
Arséne roaring with anger as he throws his typewriter down onto the floor.

Arséne: RAAAAAAAAAARGH!!

Arséne(caption): Nothing changes.


#.6
Arséne kicks his chair, breaking it in two. In the corner of the room, shadows rise up.

Arséne: STUPID! *&%#ING! AAARGH!

Arséne(caption): Why would anything change in this place?


#.7
The shadows form into a demonic shape, reaching towards Arséne as he crumples onto the floor, tears in his eyes.

Arséne: Why?

Arséne(caption): In this godforsaken town.



[for those interested the next page has him catch a glimpse of the demonic shape out the corner of his eye, as the first encounter he has with the horrors lurking in the city. As he more clearly encounters these phenomena he becomes a man obsessed, driven to madness by this one dark possibility for inspiration. But that's a tale for another time. Hope you enjoyed this and HERE'S TO OUR FIRST DAMN YEAR!

Ms Marvel - Wondrous - Maxy Barnard

The Premise: Truth time - Ms Marvel is my favourite female superhero in comics. Not even Jubilee or Stephanie Brown can compare to her. And more than that, she's the most prominent solo female of the last decade for Marvel comics. And yet she never really gets her due, especially when you consider the facts.

-Had a successful 50 issue series in today's market
-Is almost entirely dependant from male influence as reason for existence
-What small male influence is long dead by DECADES, and scarcely relevant to the character anymore
-Kicks arse without being a stereotype, and is empowered up the caboose.

The easiest parallel for me to pull is to compare her to Wonder Woman (something Jeph Loeb and Art Adams once ran with for a Hulk story, interestingly enough), at least in what she *Should* be worth. And so here's a small one page story where I try to exploit that, kind of. In spirit.

(also yes if I do a Wonder Woman script it'll be called 'Marvelous' and be just as completely irrelevant to her opposite number, natch)

----------------------------------

#.1
Show of Ms. Marvel from the waist up, arms folded and looking annoyed at the scene in front of her.

Caption(Ms. Marvel): I used to wonder why I'm here. You know...


#.2
We zoom outwards to focus on the rest of the scene, with the Avengers (Captain America, Thor, Iron Man, Giant Man and Hawkeye) bickering amongst themselves in the all-encompassing shadow of some monstrous being which I'll address in the necessary panel.

Caption(Ms. Marvel): With THEM. The Avengers.


#.3
Close-up on Ms. Marvel's mouth, sneering slightly.

Caption(Ms. Marvel): Not anymore.

Ms. Marvel: Enough of this.


#.4
Ms. Marvel is stepping through the crowd of Avengers, pushing them gently apart as she lays out her plan of action.

Caption(Ms. Marvel): I'm capable. I'm a leader and a clear thinker. I'm the clarity needed when the others are all wrapped up in their own dramas and distractions.

Ms. Marvel: Men, please. You're over-thinking and bickering over something REALLY simple. We are powerful. We have POWERS. When faced with a threat that's just some big powerful thing, we fight it. Now, come on...


#.5
Ms. Marvel leads the group as they run, fly and grow (apply as appropriate, natch), to reach their opponent, a giant, six-armed, overly muscular god, smashing the cityscape of New York.

Caption(Ms. Marvel): I have everything I need to save the day, and the willpower to do it. I'm MS. MARVEL.
(Note: the MS. MARVEL in this caption should probably be her logo-font-name-thing)

Ms. Marvel: ASSEMBLE!

Caption(Ms. Marvel): And I'm Wondrous.

Omega Red - Super Fun Hentai Hour - Maxy Barnard

Omega Red has tentacles. And I'm sorry.

Okay, okay, this was originally the sort of concept that I've applied heartily to my Thunderbolts script (back-dating allows me such crazed hindsight in what should have been an on-deadline script), albeit with a bit more of a "oh ho ho, isn't tentacle porn WACKY!" angle to it all. But when the Thunderbolts script came together I realised I much preferred taking an animation approach to those characters than this frankly awful pile of carbonadium.

So, what we have instead is a more straight-forward encounter between Armour (bugger the american spelling) and Omega Red, with an awareness and snark towards the obvious connotations. Would have been Psylocke, but... well, I'm not cruel enough to torture her further, as it were.

Come to think of it, this is only the second proper battle script I've done, the previous being a much-hated (by myself, natch) Artifacts script. Hopefully this one goes somewhat better. At the least it's certainly more thought ou-OH GOD GET ON WITH IT!

--------------------------------

#.1
We open the page on ARMOUR, encased in her standard-sized energy/armour stuff (do we have an official name for that stuff? But I digress.) throwing a punch towards OMEGA RED's face, which has just moved to the side fast enough to avoid the attack. OMEGA RED is grimacing and sweating slightly.

ARMOUR: HYAA!

OMEGA RED: ERK!


#.2
OMEGA RED flexes his body into a wide-legged crouching stance, roaring out at the world, piercing his carbonadium coils straight through ARMOUR's... armour, and knocking her off her feet.

OMEGA RED: ENOUGH OF THIS!

SFX(coils piercing armour): FzzZACK!


#.3
The coils are now wrapping round ARMOUR in a most unpleasant way; one winding round one of her thighs, and the other round her chest. Think provocative, but whilst also trying to make the reader feel super uncomfortable for looking at the panel. The sick bastards. And of course, ARMOUR's power is now inactive as she begins to squirm fruitlessly against her bondage. Oh god, what am I doing with my life?

SFX(coils squirming): *squirm*

ARMOUR: Oh.. c'mon!


#.4
The coils are now fully constricted around ARMOUR. The end of the tentacle wrapped round her chest is now suspiciously close to her mouth, and as such she is turning her head as far away from the phallic object as possible, staring at it with disgust in her eyes... and face. The other tentacle (oh god I can't believe I'm writing this next line) is constricted around both her legs, pinning them together, with the end of it pointed dangerously close to her... area. (OH GOD). OMEGA RED himself is looking up at his captive, grinning in the sort of way only a truly sick person could smile. Like the reader, if we're honest.

ARMOUR: So... gross... and cliché!

OMEGA RED: ghyghyghy!

(yeah that's how you'd translate russian laughter, it seems. True story)


#.5
Close-up on Omega Red as he stares upwards, licking his lips with a perverse smile on his face.

OMEGA RED: Young lady, you have seen nothing of me yet!



[OH GOD! IT'S OKAY! THE NEXT PAGE SHE TOTALLY BREAKS FREE, BEATS HIM UP AND SHOWS THAT SUCH MISOGYNISTIC AND PERVERSE COMIC SCRIPTING IS THE WAY OF THE DEVIL AND ALL IS WELL! ALL! IS! WELL!

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - The Phrase That Pays - Maxy Barnard

The Premise: Cowabunga. Word with a weird origin (that being Chief Thunderthud on The Howdy Doody Show, long, LONG ago). So I guess I decided to see if I could take that origin and tie it into a fun one page script.

The alternative to this was to make a horror comic. Prove I made the wrong choice.

---------------------------------------------

#.1
We open on the turtles, all sat around a table, eating pizza and relaxing. All eyes are on Michelangelo, who is looking back at them with a mouth overflowing with cheesy goodness.

Leonardo: So, Mikey... Where *does* your catchphrase come from anyway?

Michelangelo: 'ashfrashe?

Raphael: That stupid 'Cowabunga' thing you won't quit yelling.


#.2

Close-up on Michelangelo as he swallows his mess of pizza.

Michelangelo: MMM! ->gulp<-


#.3

The other turtles all do spit-takes as Michelangelo explains his catchphrase to them.

Michelangelo: I got that from my sensei!

SFX (spit-take): SPWOOOOSHHH


#.4
A dim flashback panel, with Michelangelo kneeling before the shadowy form of Chief Thunderthud. Note: All captions, to better frame who each person is, have the face of the speaker at the edge of each box.

Leonardo(caption): Master Splinter?

Michelangelo(caption): Naw dude, my OTHER sensei. I went to him alone, whenever you guys just thought I was slacking off.

Donnatello(caption): So you WEREN'T just sneaking off for more pizza?

Raphael(caption): Just tell us who your sensei is, already!


#.5
We view this flashback from the other side, with Michelangelo kneeling in front of a large, muscular version of Chief Thunderthud, a tomahawk in each hand, and a large luxuriant moustache.

Michelangelo(caption): Don't have a cow, Raph.

Michelangelo: Howdy, dude- I mean... Sensei.

Chief Thunderthud: Cowabunga, Turtle-Face. Shall we begin?

Michelangelo(caption): He was CHIEF THUNDERTHUD, the only Indian to have a moustache, and he taught me EVERYTHING.

Martian Manhunter - Whatever Happened To The Manhunter From Mars? - Maxy Barnard

The Premise: Everyone wants their favourite character to have that defining story, that salutes the past and closes off the character, that perfect ending with which you could put a story down and leave it forever. Alan Moore's classic "Whatever Happened To The Man Of Tomorrow" is the greatest example of this, a tale that took everything the pre-crisis silver age of old presented and made it into this nigh-perfect example of how to close out a tale, touching on everything you could want from such a story. And of course in recent years Neil Gaiman has thrown the same sort of concept out with his take on Batman ("Whatever Happened To The Caped Crusader"). So here's a single page from my ideal two-part tale to close off the world of the Martian Manhunter.

And it's a detective tale that spans both of his worlds, and the very concepts of identity, especially those in an immigrant from a dead race (that old ticket), and ultimately what it means to be that reliable figure in a team, gone forever.

So, enjoy this opening page in an imaginary tale, and tell me how pretentious that previous sentence was.

-------------------------------------------

#.1
We open on J'onn J'onnz's face, somber, with some small amount of sweat on his brow.

Caption: I am no longer alive.


#.2
Moving back we see more of the scene. J'onn is in a black void, posed in the 'Atlas Pose', holding two large and out of view spheres, which i'll describe when we come to them. Where J'onn's feet should be there are typical ghost wisps, trails coming from the legs as his form fades out.

Caption: I have been told that death would bring with it a release from all burdens. And yet...


#.3
And now the full shot. J'onn J'onnz is holding two large globes, one on each shoulder (something that should hopefully still fit the Atlas Pose). The globes are in no particular order, Mars and Earth. Both are gripped tightly, so tightly in fact that J'onn's fingers are cracking the globes, digging into the surface of each as he holds on to both of them. As a symbolic show of his strong ties to both of his homes, natch.

Caption: ... I am still held down under the weight of the things that truly matter to me.


#.4
From what I'd want to call a distant over-the-shoulder viewpoint we see J'onn stoop a little lower under the weight of the worlds, and a bit further in front of him (an admittedly difficult concept in a blank void, it must be said) a small white light has appeared.

Caption: If I only knew why this is so, and how I even came to be here, it would be easier. But--

J'onn: What is this?


#.5
The light is much bigger now, and within we can see J'onn's silver age John Jones personality, in full detective clobber, staring blankly out at J'onn.

J'onn: Yes... I can use this. One more time, to find out the truth, to solve one last mystery. To know...


[The next page, for those wondering, would be a splash featuring John Jones standing in a bustling Middletown, in November 1955, that fateful month where he was pulled to earth for the first time, used as the starting point for J'onn's spiritual self to explore his 'ultimate mystery', with, in the sky, the title WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THE MANHUNTER FROM MARS. Because, I guess that's how this story starts.]

Emma Frost - Diamonds Before Swine - Maxy Barnard

The Premise: So, I've learnt a lesson about what works on a page, and taken a few extra hungover hours to perfect this, at least as best I can. The concept is simple: to distill the characters down to their most base level, to make them immediately recognisable no matter where you are in your story. In fact I'm pretty sure the other tenures already manage this and I'm just really bloody slow.

So here's a completely random page picked out of the blue of a non-existant story where Emma Frost and Kitty Pryde are having to deal with the fact that all the X-*MEN* have been turned into pigs by a mysterious assailant (kept schtum because AHAHA you don't need to know in this page!). Enjoy, comment, hate, et cetera.

Oh, an aside, because visuals would have been laid out earlier in the story, this is current continuity, so space-suit Kitty is involved, because I love it. And all the X-Pigs have their costumes on and pig-sized, natch.

-------------------------------------------

#.1
Kitty Pryde is holding up Pig-Colossus, her head turned away in disgust, face all scrunched up.

Kitty: Well, THIS can only make our relationship more tragic and non-physical. Ew.


#.2
A full-body panel of Emma entering the room with he chest puffed out and looking down her nose, having taken her sweet-ass time and proud of it. On the floor just next to her Pig-Cyclops is rolling on his back as pigs are wont to do.

Emma: Oh the horror of it all, Pryde, when you have to find more reasons to angst over your thoroughly dull love li-


#.3
Emma's legs are at the edge of the frame, mid-transformation into diamond, as Pig-Cyclops rubs himself against them. Also in the background of the shot are Pig-Wolverine and Pig-Dr. Nemesis, trying to bite each other to death.

Emma: -oh, Scott...


#.4
Emma (now fully into her diamond form) kicks Pig-Cyclops across the room (and towards the reader), just missing Kitty's head by mere centimetres. Pig-Cyclops is squealing in terror and firing eye-beams every which way.

Emma: You disgust me now as much as ever.

Pig-Cyclops: SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-----*


#.5
Kitty is yelling angrily and flailing her arms towards Emma, who just raises her face higher than ever, so as to better look down her nose at Kitty (think to the point of parody with this look, just go crazy as you'd like).

Kitty: Emma, what are you doing?! That's still Scott in there! AND you almost broke my suit, you insufferable cow!

Emma: *sigh*... Pryde... Kitty...


#.6
Low angle close-up on Emma's snooty smirking face, so as to accentuate just how much she can look down her nose.

Emma: I know. And I can read minds. So I can tell you with assurance that these men are as they have always been...


#.7
We look over the shoulders of both Kitty and Emma as they look down at the X-Pigs. Pig-Cyclops is unconscious, all swirling stars and spiral eyes, Pig-Dr. Nemesis is standing victorious over Pig-Wolverine's thoroughly beaten body and Pig-Colossus is staring up at Kitty with heart-shaped eyes.

Emma: Pigs.